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No More Lonely People

We know what it feels like to be crushingly alone. Maybe if you’re like me being alone, as a choice, is your preferred way to spend time. Yet, when you’re forced to be alone even God seems to be miles away.  We then meet and make “friends” with Loneliness.  As Loneliness settles into various cracks and corners of our minds we sink deeper into the abyss with the surface fading fast.  This is the time to remember Christ is our eternal friend, who “sticks closer than a brother”. Christ can seem distant based on our feelings, but feelings aren’t absolute truth. 

Harsh as the above statement is when walking through loneliness, we need to hear it. Feelings are changeable. So how do we change how we feel? Change out routine for starters. Visualize loneliness as a starving, ravenously hungry monster just released from prison. To gather strength, it eats comfort food, easy to find comfort food (ex. the reasons why we’re lonely). Changing our thoughts isn’t what I’m talking about. I mean to take physical action to continue to starve our loneliness further beginning the process of freedom.

Ways to starve the “monster”:

  • Put down the phone.

Studies have shown social media increases a discontent in our lives. We don’t think about our browsing others’ lives deep enough until we look at our own page. We don’t have the smiling group, amazing cruise photo’s, our kids aren’t winning trophies like that etc. It has become routine for us to live in a digital backyard gazing longingly into the windows of other people. So, put down your phone and take a walk. Science has proven walking increase feel-good hormones.

  • Satisfy your curiosity.

All this method takes is a car, maybe coffee/tea if you’re tired, and the library. What has you curious, what have you always wanted to know more about? Distract yourself constructively while learning about what modern décor goes best with your star sign, how to defend your relationship to Christ, how to meal plan food with flavor, or how to draw 3D art. The world is your oyster!  

  • Volunteer

There are many causes needing (wo)man power to make the difference. Giving money is a start, but it’s a soul-lifting feeling to hands-on see what your hard work creates. If you attend church I can guarantee one ministry or another needs help. If you just donate some items and pass them out at outreach event you claimed a victory over the “monster”.

  • Take yourself on a date!

Is a concert coming up? A new restaurant you’ve wanted to try? Go do those things! You are an amazing person so don’t wait for someone else to tell you that! Treat yourself has become meme worthy, trivializing it, but take back what it means to love yourself and do what makes you happy! If eating alone is scary, order takeout from that new restaurant and sit in the park listening to a podcast (I suggest Rabbits).

My hope is this post is some help to those who are feeling lonely today. Know Christ is ever present and a whisper away. Take a chance today because you are awesome- I mean that.

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In Defense of Being Single.

“You’ll change your mind when you meet the One.”, “You don’t want kids? That will change when you get married.”, “You don’t want to be alone do you?”,  and many other varieties of these phrases have been hurled at me since I’ve decided to stay single. And NO, I’m not choosing to stay single until my “prince” comes because God has prepared us both for the great journey of marriage. I choose to stay single because I want to.  If there is anyone out there like me I’m writing this to encourage the single to stay strong when well-meaning people offer their “advice”.

Family, friends, co-workers, etc. can’t help themselves because they don’t understand that singleness  isn’t a curse. They see single as a temporary disease, a defect caused by bad examples and go so far as to suggest you join the singles group at church to meet people. Prayers go up imploring God to guide you since no man is an island. Here’s a newsflash: Being single is a gift (1 cor.7:7)! God’s path for us who are single is to remain this way and for others God wants them to be married: different is good.

Not getting married doesn’t mean missing out nor does it mean we who follow Christ can share our what God gave us with whoever we please. The purpose we strive for will differ from single to single. Having a freedom to pursue this divinely given goal is reason enough to fight for being single.  It can be lonely and make even the stoutest single doubts, but I am here to encourage you to not allow loneliness to taint the life you live. You should never be with someone just to avoid emotions instead pursue ways to enjoy your hobbies with other people and make some new friends. Invite someone from work to hang out or take that class you’ve been eyeing.

I’ve seen marriages where loneliness wasn’t avoided but amplified. I’ve also seen how marriage has brought out the best in both people. Still I don’t want marry as I know myself  and what I want out of life, what God wants out of my life.  Being single  is a special gift given to strong believers because knowing who you are in Christ and as a person makes a target out the believer from the church and the world.  Think salmon swimming upstream.Singles have figured aspects of their lives out because they take the time to minimize distractions. Most people I’ve met looking for a mate are distracted by past relationship let downs, crazy exes, and trying to impress the next guy/girl.

That’s my take. Let me know in the comments what you think!

Blessings and Peace,  Randa 🙂